My favorite emotions are uncomfortable and hilarious. I have special snowflake syndrome.

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I called the cops on the girls next door because they insulted my dog today.

In my defense, they throw loud parties EVERY NIGHT and made fun of me being in a sorority when they saw me running in a Zeta shirt. They’re basically just mean girls a la Regina George, and I’m 24 and don’t have to take that crap from anybody.